The Price
by fanreading
Summary: Loki has a long journey ahead of him in order to save his brother as well as Asgard, both of which are in trouble. The choices Loki makes will either be victorious or lead him to further conviction depending on the views of Asgard and of Earth. Will Loki be able to self-reflect and, perhaps, have changes of heart in order to succeed? More importantly, what will be the price?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, and welcome to my first Thor fanfiction! It's going to be REALLY long, but I am going to try to write many chapters before I publish the one before so people don't have to wait long. The story is going to follow the plot and flow of the Thor movies, but with Loki having a slightly different role and view in each. It's going to pick up soon once I get back on track with the movies, but for the first couple of chapters, it's gonna be more of a setting up for things to come. Please review and let me know what you think! Hope everyone stays with me to the end with this one. I'm really excited to be writing it. Enjoy!**

 **Chapter One: The Nightmare**

Loki closed his eyes against the sun and stars. Grass swayed against his calves while a breeze wrapped him in a gentle embrace; the most physical contact he'd had in a while. The vast plain was a good distance from the palace and he was comfortable here. It never felt less like home since coming back from Earth in chains.

He blinked and saw Thor in the corner of his eye some distance off. Perhaps he was looking for him after his absence from dinner. Thor was usually adamant about family dinners, which was sort of un-common with the warrior type of people that made up Asgard.

His brother waved and smiled his great goofy grin like a complete idiot. An obvious difference between himself and Thor was that Loki definitely did not wear his heart on his sleeve. Thor showed his affection, time and again, much to Loki's displeasure. Though he quietly enjoyed Thor's love towards himself, he didn't like to witness when his brother showered his favor upon others.

Rolling his eyes, Loki took a step towards his brother's direction when panic seized his heart. Something wasn't right.

Loki was running towards Thor before his mind had caught up with him. His heart thudded painfully against his sternum and his panic refused to subside. But even though he ran faster than he had in his life, Thor wasn't getting any closer.

"Thor!" he shouted as loud as he could. But Thor just kept waving. He didn't seem to notice Loki's distress at all.

Loki continued to run before he suddenly stopped. He sank to his knees as realization sank in and had turned his legs to jelly beneath him. No amount of running would help. His effort to reach Thor was less than futile.

He felt his face burning, but not with exertion. His throat closed up, and his eyes stung painfully as grief stabbed his heart and twisted its invisible blade. The cry he let out for his dead brother that had vanished from the horizon was one he had not heard since Frigga's death.

Loki awakened with a violent jerk. His heart thudded wildly, almost painfully, and his breathing was hard and raspy. Through the fogginess of sleep he felt a lump stuck in his throat as grief bit down and held firm; near suffocating him. The cool wetness he felt in his hair were from tears he didn't know he had shed in his sleep.

Loki brought up trembling fingers to wipe away the offending salt water and rubbed his eyes hard. He scowled when the traitorous moisture still clung to his skin.

It took a few minutes before his breathing evened out. The acid of emotion, cleared away by convulsive swallowing, finally left his lungs free to breathe.

He felt utterly foolish and irrational when his mind and body had calmed down.

'I hate Thor,' he thought aggressively. 'It doesn't matter to me whether he lives or dies.' The lies crowded his thoughts even when he knew his sentiments about his brother was only half true.

As much as he resented, envied, and, yes, _hated_ Thor, Loki knew that he loved him with equal measure.

'Such weakness,' he said to himself, as he rolled onto his side. His affection towards his brother was locked away in the deepest chamber of his heart where admitting it was near impossible. It was this damnable dream's fault that his sub consciousness had picked the lock before he had woken up.

Nonetheless, Loki wasn't a dunce. He knew indifference, not love, was the opposite of hate. And he was anything but indifferent towards his brother.

'A silly dream doesn't matter, anyways,' Loki thought. He knew Thor was alive and well. He decided his dream was playing a trick on him. He had seen Thor not so long ago when his brother came to tell "Odin" of Loki's death.

All the other nightmares Loki had had before this one consisted of his tortured days among the Chitauri. 'Those are a real cause for some sleepless nights, indeed,' he figured.

Loki wondered if the dream of Thor revealed some hidden guilt from tricking his brother, but he knew that was not the case. A person did not feel guilt over things they did not regret.

'Thor wouldn't smile at me, either,' he thought bitterly, remembering his brother's perpetual frown directed at him when they had returned from Midgard. 'I threatened and killed his oh-so-precious mortals.'

He threw heavy blankets off of him with unnecessary force and got up; refusing to acknowledge the jealousy he felt towards the humans burning in his stomach.

'Absolutely loathsome,' he spit out, not sure whether he meant the humans or himself.

Pushing the dream to the back of his mind, he went about his day disguised as Odin. Almost two months had gone by and nobody was the wiser.

* * *

"Send thirty warriors to Vanaheim," Loki, as Odin, said to the top warrior sitting at the table. Other warriors and some older councilmen were there as well, speaking about Asgardian business. "They will be able to maintain order."

Loki sighed heavily when he realized the day was only half done. He knew ruling Asgard would be challenging, but hadn't really accounted for how tiring it would be. The word, 'boring,' almost crept into his mind before he shoved it away.

When he first took Odin's place he reveled in the sight of Agardians kneeling at his feet. People who had quietly looked down upon him were lowered as they ought to have been when he was still the prince.

Their subservience was a shallow satisfaction, however, since his true identity was not known to the masses. Odin was still in his sleep and would not wake while Loki kept him in it.

'Speaking of the old man,' Loki thought, stifling a yawn from lack of sleep.

He stepped up to a wall in his room and incanted a spell that opened a hidden door to a large chamber. Behind the door lay Odin on a wide bed with the golden Odinsleep orb around him. It had been a good month since Loki last came to 'visit.' If Odin really could hear him while asleep, he didn't want to overindulge the man with company neither of them wanted or enjoyed.

He looked down at his adoptive father for a few moments before speaking.

"I could kill you now, this very instant, and not feel any sort of remorse," he said to the sleeping god. "None that would really register, at least. You do not love me, All-Father, and I must confess that I stopped loving you when I fell into the Void."

He paused, thinking back on the moment his released his hold on Gungnir.

"And do you know what," he asked, "Before that day, I had never felt or been so free."

Loki had been truly heartbroken that day on the Rainbow Bridge when he had realized his father's apathy towards him. Odin may have barely awoken from his Odinsleep when he made it to the bridge, but his lack of emotion could not be excused or reasoned away.

When Thor had invaded Jotunheim, Odin was about to fall into his sleep, and he still showed more emotion towards his biological son than he ever did towards Loki. It did not escape the prince's notice when he searched Odin's face for any kind of paternal concern about his actions on the man's behalf. But all he saw was indifference and a vague eye, even as the son he supposedly loved dangled off the bridge that led to nothingness below.

When he had truly given up his desire to please the man who had no regard for him, when he had let go of Odin's staff, it was liberating. If only he could stop loving Thor with the same absoluteness, but he knew better than to hope of such a thing.

"Mother still came to see me when I was in the dungeons, you know," he continued speaking. "When you sentenced me to be imprisoned for life. I often wish it were you that died that day instead of her."

He looked down at Odin's face again.

"I think you wish the same of me. My life instead of hers."

With that, Loki turned and left.

* * *

Loki stretched out his arm until it hurt, as if the action would bring Thor closer somehow. He ran desperately towards his brother, wanting to decrease the space between them, but still not covering any distance. He could not reach his big oaf of a brother who looked so joyous to see him.

Loki startled awake again. 'The third time this week!'

He thought the dream would be done with him after that first time, but the nightmare wasn't going away. The sorrow that engulfed him was the same as well as the dampness he felt on his pillow. Clear evidence from the pain made by his grief over the deceased-Thor of his dreams.

'Damn you, Thor!' he yelled mentally.

"Damn, sentiment!" he cursed aloud.

'I can't go on like this for much longer,' he thought.

Experiencing grief for his brother would affect his act as king. The feeling of mourning for Thor, however brief after waking up, was horrible. It was torture.

He was nowhere near recovered from Frigga's death, and that was real. More real than a dream of Thor being dead. Loki never had nightmares about his mother. His mother was gone, and the crushing despair wracked him unexpectedly in his moments of solitude when he thought he was safe.

He reluctantly realized that having his brother made Frigga's death more bearable. Her absence wasn't less painful, of course. Thor being alive only helped Loki better deal with the loss. If Thor were gone… He didn't allow himself to think about it.

* * *

Loki was exhausted. Three weeks had passed and he was extremely sleep deprived. Every time he nodded off he would be yanked awake by consuming anguish made by his dream.

"I prefer to Chitauri torture dreams to this," he said aloud to himself. He really did wish for those nightmares of being tortured instead just to get some semblance of rest back, however little.

Loki stood over a large basin and summoned the potions necessary in order to see what his brother was up to in real time.

Thor was still on Midgard, eating with a few of those wretched Avengers that Loki had fought against. He felt a scowl on his face at the sadness in his brother's eyes, apparent even as he laughed at what appeared to be a joke told by the man who wore iron.

Thor did think his brother was dead, after all. It made sense he would mourn.

'Sentiment,' Loki scoffed, deliberately ignoring his own reactions every time he had awakened from the nightmare of Thor being beyond his reach.

Loki knew, in his own mind, that he couldn't fault Thor his sorrow over his supposed death. As much as he hated to admit it, Loki knew his brother loved him beyond anything.

'The fool,' Loki thought halfheartedly.

He leaned his face onto his right hand as a heavy sigh came forth.

'I need sleep,' he thought tiredly.


	2. Midgardians

**A/N: Don't worry about when we're gonna get to what happens that makes Asgard in trouble. It's the next chapter. The story should go more with the movie plot after that. I used some of the dialogue from the movies in the later chapters, but I put it in Italics to show it isn't my writing. I'll remind everyone when the chapters come along later. Enjoy and don't forget to comment! I'd love to know what you think. :D**

 **Chapter Two: Midgardians**

He couldn't take it anymore. Another week of the same dream had come and gone. If he had any hope of the other nightmares that had frequented him instead of the one he had now, it was long gone.

"Tell my chief officers not to expect me for some time," Loki sent out the command. "I have business to attend to that requires my absence from Asgard."

He didn't know exactly how long he would be gone, but he knew he was leaving the kingdom in the hands of capable people he had relative faith in. At least while he was away.

Shielding himself from the gaze of Heimdall, Loki made his way to Midgard.

'Maybe seeing the idiot will offer some relief,' Loki hoped.

Invisible, Loki located his brother and followed him for a day.

Thor stayed at Stark's place along with a few other Avengers. He looked like he always did with his golden hair and open blue eyes.

Thor seemed to unconsciously give great sighs when he let his mind drift. An important conversation had better luck at maintaining his attention, but it had to be relatively short.

Although Thor looked to be doing alright overall, it appeared melancholy was always lurking beneath the surface. Loki felt a pang of guilt.

First, they lost their mother and now Thor believed he had also lost his brother.

'There's nothing to be done about that,' Loki decided stubbornly.

Content with seeing Thor meander throughout his day, Loki left around nightfall. He didn't know why he went towards human civilization when dawn came the next morning, but he did.

Locating where the humans put their dead, Loki sat against a tombstone and looked around. A few humans came and went as the morning passed, leaving flowers for their deceased against tombs. Some bent their head in prayer while others just gazed at the graves of loved ones. Loki was grateful Asgard burned their dead when they sent them over the side of the water.

Still curious as the afternoon approached, Loki went into the funeral home where a number of people wearing black walked about in a room. Keeping himself invisible, he walked towards a gathering of people. Upon a rise, an open casket revealed a dead man in a suit. Loki didn't know what to think as people came up and looked at their dead loved one, and then went away.

When he stepped closer, he wished he hadn't. Sitting up front was the widow of the deceased man. Her cries were silent, but her bereavement shook her shoulders and colored her face with a different brand of suffering. Though her sobs were soft, they each pierced Loki as if a knife were gashing into his heart and up into his throat.

He quickly left the funeral home feeling as if he would start gagging with the despair threatening to cry from his mouth of its own volition.

Loki took deep breathes outside as he leaned against a tombstone of some unknown human.

'Why,' was all he could think. He didn't know exactly what he was questioning.

"Did you know grandpa," came a child voice from behind him.

Loki, if he were not a god and had dignity, kept himself from jumping in surprise.

"It's rude to sneak up on people," he said, remembering his own stalking of Thor just yesterday.

"It's okay," said the little girl who smiled up at him. She had blond pigtails and a black dress. "I miss him, too."  
For panicked second, Loki thought she meant Thor, but then he remembered she was at the funeral for her grandfather.

"You don't look that sad to me," Loki responded, noting her small smile. Did she understand death? She couldn't be older than ten years old.

"Grandpa has gone to a better place now," she answered, looking up into the sky. "He was in a lot of pain before. I think he's happier now."

"There's no way of really knowing," Loki said, thinking of his mother.

"I'm sorry I upset you," said the girl, looking concerned.

"What do you mean?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's just, you looked very sad suddenly," she replied.

"Nonsense," Loki scoffed, folding his arms and scowling down at her.

The girl gave him a smile. "When I feel sad," she said, "I just think of all the fun times we had together, and then I can't stop smiling. The people that leave are always with us. At least, that's what my mom says."

Loki found himself chewing on her words. He thought of all the time him and his mother had sat together working with magic and reading complicated spell books the warriors of Asgard had little interest in.

"There," said the girl seeing his smile, "isn't it better now?"

Loki hadn't realized he was smiling until she said something. "Away with you," he said with less bite than he had meant. "Go to your family and be with them."

The girl took one last look at him before striding back into the funeral house.

Loki stared after her, confused about her odd behavior. He was sure he'd never been such a strange child when he was young. But her advice had been oddly mature. He knew, after a few minutes of contemplation, that she had lost someone else besides her grandfather recently. Was it her father, perhaps?

Loki shook his head when he realized what he was doing.

Why would he empathize with a mortal? He didn't know.

He didn't know how these mortals kept living the way they did. He hardly knew why he even cared.

'Their lives are nothing,' he thought, trying to right himself from his leaning position.

'But,' he kept thinking, 'almost every single human on this planet has suffered like that woman in there. Like that child. The death of a spouse, father, sibling, other relatives and friends all bring grief.'

Loki wondered around the city that evening, trying to get the numerous questions, the crying woman, and her unusual granddaughter out of his mind. Even as he was distracted by the dazzling lights and numerous entertainments found on the streets of the busier sides of the town, he would always go back to what he had witnessed and heard at the funeral home.

* * *

After sleeping through a night without any nightmares, he went about the next day going to plays and human museums. He did the same thing the next few days after that before deciding to read some of the literature that humans enjoyed; their classics, among many others.

He spent around two weeks just reading. Books he practically devoured; many of which had come across the seas of this world that included Europe, the Middle East, Asia, and South Africa. Loki had to physically make himself leave three libraries and five bookstores. If he took a few for his private collection, he would never admit it to a soul.

'For such an insignificant world,' he thought, 'I suppose it does have its redeeming points.'

He had to admit that the mortals had a way with words. Stories with tales from that of oppression and colonization, to love, growth, and betrayal and many other topics and themes pulled him in like no other.

If Loki were completely honest with himself, he discovered how his own position as a prince had completely blinded him to the view others within his own kingdom had of their world. He had moments of revelations as he read different books that had him pausing and thinking of his long life on Asgard.

'Do we even have a poor class in Asgard,' he questioned, thinking back on his duties as Odin. He remembered a few cases where crops were in danger of failing, but he had never really thought about the people who worked on the farms that surrounded the city. Had Odin never bothered with them as well?

'This will have to be remedied,' he decided only to be shocked a second later by his decision.

He laughed out loud, startling a few people on the streets near him.

"I can't believe I care about the people of Asgard," he mumbled to himself. "Much less that of the lower class."

Loki shook his head in bewilderment. That Midgardian mortals made him see himself a little differently, well, it simply astounded him. But for them to make him care even a little about Asgardian citizens, well, he didn't have a word for it.

Asgard certainly had an amazingly filled library of its own, but it paled with the tragedies, tales, and imagination these Midgardians came up with. The subcultures within the dominant culture were numerous, and each book held a value all its own. And an element of, Loki was certain, universal truth could be found in the greatest of the works produced on the planet. The works that reached beyond its own time and customs.

When he ate some of the Midgardian food, he found he could not begin to decide what his favorite was. Ice cream was certainly one of his top five. Nothing of the sort was found on Asgard.

He spent the next month engrossed in learning what made humans different from Asgardians, and found that they were not as different as he first thought, really. But only at a fundamental level of being.

Most, if not all, humans wanted to live a relatively comfortable life, support themselves and their family, and reach a standing that their culture approved of. Asgardians had their own values of status, family, and way of living. They differed from Midgardians in many ways, what with magic and creatures, certainly, but the only truly profound difference was the amount of time they lived. And their level of significance on a big scale, of course. Loki was certain that could not be pushed aside so easily.

Although he mostly learned about Americans, being within that country, he did enjoy the numerous cultures the entire planet housed. He wished he could travel around all of Midgard, but he simply did not have the time.

Loki found himself humming catchy songs, replaying movie scenes in his head, and pulling out certain books to reread paragraphs that were his favorite as he engrossed himself in human creations.

When he passed a part of the city that was destroyed by his own invasion, he deftly turned down an adjacent road. He didn't want to look at the people that came and went with numerous pictures of the loved ones that had died during the attack. He also felt something close to guilt and regret wave over him from his gut that he didn't want to feel or acknowledge.

No matter his altering view of Midgardians, they were still just Midgardians. To feel like his actions towards them were wrong would be admitting they were more than what they were.

'Mortals only live a little, then die,' he figured simply.

The girl at the cemetery, howerver, flashed before his eyes. What if his invasion had caused her father's death? He forced the thought from his mind. He wasn't even sure if she had lost anyone besides her grandfather, much less her father. But her knowing eyes had told a different tale than what he made up in his mind, and he knew it.

* * *

As days passed, he came to a point where he had to conclude that he had really underestimated the humans, especially their strength, imagination, and resilience. They had their lesser and baser points, of course, but that was only to be expected. He had no doubt that mortals were lesser than gods.

Loki spent the rest of his last week there alternating between checking in on his brother and wondering around other parts of Midgard. Humans were very inventive and ever changing. He figured they had to keep moving forward when they didn't have much time in the first place. Not like his realm and their immortality.

Nothing really did change that quickly back on Asgard. He didn't know what he took for granted until he roamed beside those less fortunate in regard to life expectancy. And he felt himself fortunate that he had discovered all that humans had to offer.

'But they are still inferior,' Loki thought to himself. 'Asgard and the other realms hold a higher place than Earth, which cannot be overlooked. Humans have some value, yes, but they are still inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.'

It wasn't until his seventh week and fourth day there that he came upon a harrowing sight.

It was during lunch and a very busy part of the day when he walked to where a huge gathering was near the middle of a road crossing. Before he had a chance to turn away or teleport, he heard the gut-wrenching wails of a woman.

The cries of her agony made him stop short of the scene, but he pushed forward despite the foreboding feeling gnawing at him. He wished he could erase what he saw; a small child in her arms, hit by a car not long before.

He was confused with his own reaction because he felt like weeping.

'But I've killed many humans,' Loki thought, 'and never felt anything. The Infinity Stone had its numbing influence, but still. Why now? They are near irrelevant creatures.'

The image of the girl at the cemetery came upon him again. It could have easily been her that was hit. He felt the lump grow bigger in his throat.

The agonizing sound of the mother's keening soon became more than he could take. He left, teleporting back to where Thor was.

Just inches from touching his brother, fully intent on acting on the absurd urge of hugging him, or at the very least gripping his shoulder to make sure he was all right, he stopped. He dropped his shaking hand and tried to get a hold of his himself.

'Silly me,' he thought shakily, his nerves still unsettled from the Midgardian mother and her dead son. 'Thor is a god, and hardly needs my concern.'

He mentally chastised himself. Thor thought he was dead. It wouldn't be wise to reveal otherwise when he was supposed to be ruling Asgard in the disguise of Odin.

Clenching his hands until it hurt, Loki settled for following his brother around all day. He felt childish trailing after Thor in such a close manner. It was as if he were a boy again. He felt ridiculous after some hours passed.

'The humans and their emotions are getting to me,' Loki thought, not able to call them lesser or trivial beings. It felt improper after seeing that mother lose her child.

He shivered involuntarily when the scene came unbidden before his eyes. He couldn't quite get rid of the feeling of guilt that bubbled up from his stomach this time as he thought about the destruction he had brought down upon Earth not too long ago.

He couldn't bring himself to leave until Thor was in a deep sleep. He brushed Thor's blond hair away from his face, looking down and seeing the sad lines that haunted his brother even in slumber. Feeling a bit awful for causing his brother to be in such a state, Loki finally left Midgard.

* * *

As he reflected on his time on Earth once he returned to Asgard, Loki felt that he had enjoyed his stay there.

'Midgardians know how to enjoy life. Great literature,' he thought, before his mind took a bleak turn. 'And they know the true pain of suffering. The pain even I put them through. What I did without a second thought.'

Loki forcefully changed his train of thought. 'I don't have time to waste thinking about humans and their condition.'

"Make sure the farmers has everything they need in order to keep their crops afloat. Bring me the report on how many Asgardians are homeless as well," he direction to the appropriate councilmen.

The men at the table looked around at each other, and not for the first time. Loki had a feeling they were unused to a king that felt so much concern with matters that did not concern war. Oddly, he felt they respected him, or "Odin," even more. He couldn't hide the fact, from himself, that it was the humans doing that had led to this development.

'Well,' he thought, 'so be it.'

As the days passed, he often checked in on Thor through his basin, but also made it his aim to learn more about the many peoples that lived on the realm his brother protected. They had a certain pull on him that he couldn't get rid of.

He admired them in a way. He could see how Thor's time amongst the humans could have changed his brother. Where Thor was once arrogant, pushy, and almost intolerant, he was now more humble, more lenient, and had a lot more patience than Loki thought he could have ever possessed. He still didn't like _that woman_ , but he could see how other mortals may have played a part in his brother's change as well.

'They're still not worth dying for, Thor,' Loki thought, snuffing out an inkling of doubt that had invaded a corner of his mind. The reoccurring dream of Thor being dead made it a bit easier to disregard the human's influence on Loki.

That nightmare with Thor being dead returned a few days after he had returned from Midgard.

Loki sat up one late night knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.

'You're more important than they are.'


	3. Gods and Mortals

**Chapter Three: Gods and Mortals**

"Father," Thor called as he opened the large doors to a room where Loki and some of the high council sat, discussing concerns that other realms had of an approaching darkness.

Loki looked up from a letter from the kingdom of another realm telling of their fears of a dark mass heading their way.

Loki felt happiness surge through him before crushing the feeling down with annoyance at Thor's presence. He still had yet to figure out how you could love and hate someone at the same time.

"Thor," he said, disguised as Odin, "why are you here? I thought you wished to remain on Midgard for a while longer."

"I have come to tell you of my intentions regarding Jane," Thor said, a smile on his face.

Loki's stomach dropped and he could feel jealousy rear its unsightly head. It was beyond a doubt that Thor was going to announce that he wanted to marry that base and vapid woman.

"Leave us," he told the men in the room.

"Mortals and gods do not belong together, my son," Loki said, trying to sound as Odin would when speaking to Thor. "I forbid your union with the Midgardian."

"But father," Thor pressed, clearly not ready to give up. Being a spoiled child had only made him push for what he wanted even more. Loki knew that part of him hadn't changed from his time on Earth. It could be endearing, but most of the time it was plain annoying. "I love Jane, and wish her to be my wife."

"And what of Asgard," Loki asked, a testy edge in his voice. "Eventually I will no longer be living, and you will have to take my place. You are heir, and no mortal may live in this realm. You are fooling yourself if you believe any mortal can withstand the passage of time with their limited time of life."

Odin would not have allowed Thor to marry a mortal and Loki agreed with the decision. Though he didn't like _that woman_ , it wouldn't have mattered if Thor had chosen someone else of Midgard to wed.

Mortals grew old and died. Thor would have to live through that and experience grief and misery most probably until he passed on to Valhalla. It was best to put an end to Thor's idealism for a hopeless relationship doomed to end in despair. He had seen enough grief from Thor already.

Idun's apples and ambrosia wouldn't do the mortal that much good either. Human bodies simply were not made to handle immortality.

The fact that Loki was ruling Asgard at the moment and that he'd have a problem if Thor came back to rule was pushed away for the present discussion. This specific conversation about matrimony would have to be discussed sooner or later anyway.

"I am sure this Midgardian woman realizes that her lifespan is far lesser than your own. I did not take her for a fool the last time she was here. Or am I mistaken?" Loki felt a great pleasure in insulting Thor's love interest. As far as he could tell, they hardly knew one another. Thor was always ready to jump head first when it came to getting to 'know' someone, and liked everyone well enough in the end. But love, and falling in love, was a different matter.

A dark shadow passed over Thor's face, but he did not say anything to defend Jane.

"But we agreed that I do not wish to rule Asgard the last time I was here," Thor said, choosing to go a different tract of reasoning but still looking angry.

"It does not change the fact that Asgard will be without a ruler should I die. You have a duty to this throne," Loki said, speaking nothing but the truth. If his identity ever got found out, Thor would have to rule. No one else was worthy on the seat of the throne but those raised to rule a kingdom.

"But Fa-

"You will not debase yourself by marrying that quim!" Loki shouted, realizing too late that the word 'quim' left his mouth before he could stop it. He did not realize the depth of his dislike for Thor's amour.

But he still really did despise _that woman_ , more than any other mortal, after all. Wasn't she the main person Thor cared about besides himself?

Thor narrowed his eyes at the remark. Odin had never used that word in all of Thor's life, and he knew of only one other person who had.

"No," Thor breathed, eyes going wide, and his mouth falling open.

'Damn!' Loki thought, before turning away and practically fleeing the room. He was so panicked that he didn't think to teleport.

Thor was hot on his heels.

"Brother!" Thor yelled out after him. "Stop and explain yourself! Where is father?"

Loki kept running; there was no staying in Asgard now. Not when Thor knew he was alive. He would be imprisoned if he didn't escape to a place where he could plan a different way of living in Asgard.

Odin was still alive, though asleep. They would undoubtedly find him soon enough.

'Damn it all!' he cursed again.

Loki made it back to his chambers and used magic to gather all his most important items.

"Brother," Thor shouted from where he was running down the hall. He blocked the doorway when he reached it.

"I thought you dead," he said, eyes filled with grief. "Again," he added, anger coloring his voice and shading his face.

Loki stood where he was, rooted to the spot. It was harder seeing the grief on Thor's face this time now that he had to physically face him. This time the fault was entirely his. He had meant to fake his death by that dark elf so many months ago now. Thor was never supposed to know. Or at least not to find out like this.

"Have me remain dead to you," Loki said, his disguise long gone. "We are not brothers, Thor," Loki lied.

Thor shook his head, hurt flashing across his face.

"You will always be my brother," he stated, as if there were no truer truth in the Nine Realms.

Loki had to school his features to remain neutral.

With one last look at his brother, he teleported away.

* * *

Loki stood on a cliff overlooking the outskirts of Asgard. Fierce wind whipped at his long hair and made his clothes snag and fly about him. The huge black cloud over the palace was visible even from where he stood. It wasn't as great as the storm Thor had created when he thought Loki had died, but it was still impressive.

'All that time ruling Asgard,' he thought, 'more than half a year. Just for it to crumble over my resentment of a human.' Loki could almost laugh at the ridiculousness of it. "What a human behavior to have happened within me."

Yes, Thor was still his brother, in the end. He couldn't lie about that. Didn't want to lie about it, either. At the end of the day, however, he had to keep moving.

Loki used secret passages and traveled a few realms away from Asgard. It took about a week to make it without being seen by Heimdall or others, but it also gave him time to think.

Ruling Asgard had its perks, for sure, but he didn't really miss it as much as he thought he would. A lot of the issues were time consuming, and a lot of paperwork had to be done.

Power was a fun thing to have, but as the effects of the mind stone had worn off over time, Loki had felt his hunger for power diminish quite fast.

He did enjoy having the authority that Odin had over other Asgardians, but his crave for ruling, like what it had been on Earth with the Scepter, was nowhere near what it had felt like before the stone was taken from him. His desire to rule now mostly stemmed from a childhood belief that he was born to be a king.

'What now,' he thought. He was out of the palace and away from its citizens. Thor would have to take over now. Surprisingly, Loki was more okay with it than he thought he would be.

It was true what he said to Thor so long ago. He never wanted to rule so much as just wanting to be Thor's equal. But he would need a kingdom for that, wouldn't he?

Loki really didn't know what to do with himself. Odin was dead to him, and Thor was the only person he knew he truly cared about. Where did that leave him?

Did he want revenge against the Asgardian people and their insubordination towards him for so many years? The thought did give him some satisfaction.

He kept traveling as his mind came up with different plans for his future.

* * *

Not three weeks had passed when Loki found himself back in Asgard. Cries of pain and shouts of fear reached him across the realms he had traveled, and he grew curious as to what was happening.

'Gone for only a month and Asgard falls apart,' he thought as he traveled. 'Do they need direct instructions to fully function?' He kept making derisive comments until he drew closer to the palace.

When he entered his old home, the same feeling of panic that had seized his heart in his nightmares descended upon him, making him break out in a cold sweat.

'Thor!' he cried, teleporting inside Thor's room and throwing caution to the wind. He found Thor in bed, but it did not look to be his brother at all. In place of a young, vibrant, and powerful god of thunder, he found a frail, graying, and hunched man breathing heavily on the vast bed. Only Thor's blue eyes remained the same.

"Brother," Loki said, before he could stop himself.

Thor, despite his condition, smiled the smile Loki knew was only made when he saw him. Loki willed the stinging of his eyes away as he looked down at Thor's withered state.

"How did this-," Loki began, "What happened?"

The confused look on Thor's face told Loki everything he needed to know. No one in Asgard knew what had caused their condition.

"I will fix this, brother," he promised. He reached for Thor's hand, briefly fearing he wouldn't be able to grasp it before it was too late like in his dreams, before gripping Thor's wiry hand firmly. He sighed in both relief and pure dread.

This was no dream, though Loki felt he was in a nightmare nonetheless. Thor was in real danger of dying.

But Thor was still alive, at least for now, and Loki would die before he let the fate his dreams had for Thor become real.


	4. The Cave

**A/N: I know I said the story would be with the movies by this point, but I was mistaken. It's going to be next chapter, I promise. I was so caught up in the writing that I calculated it wrong. I am posting very quickly, but am afraid of leading people on with the idea that it will always be this way. I do not plan for my updates to be nearly as spaced as my Dramione fic was so don't fret too much. At the same time, updates won't always be every few days or even weeks. What I can promise is monthly at the latest, and as the story progresses, most likely bi-weekly. Anyway, here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy and please review! It really does help with the writing. Motivation kicks up like no other, believe me! I should have the next chapter here at least within the week.**

 **Chapter Four : The Cave**

"And the price," Loki asked, knowing it was going to be tremendous. Something that wasn't as cheap as gold, treasures, or the like. He knew it was going to be something priceless. But since it was only going to effect himself, he was willing to pay.

"Your immortality," the robed being said in a voice neither male nor female.

Loki's insides froze and he was only dimly aware that his breathing had stopped. He felt himself lean against the cave wall and maybe even slide down it a few inches.

'My immortality,' he thought. 'May as well ask for my brains to be scrambled and organs harvested like those Midgardian ancients who thought they could come back after death.'

The comparison didn't wholly make sense to even Loki, but he figured there was some type of reasoning in there that he couldn't quite put together at the moment. His future was basically being taken from him, after all, and he excused his lapse of cleverness to shock.

Then he realized why he had made the comparison. If he had any hope whatsoever of saving Thor and Asgard from whatever was afflicting them without it costing a great deal to himself, it was gone once the being in front of him spoke the cost of possible success. There was no hope at all of a long end to his life where he could live in satisfaction that he had done right by something. Sort of like the Egyptians, his actions had some type of merit, or at least a form of planning, behind it but would not benefit him personally very much. Well, saving Thor was a personal gain, he knew.

Loki looked away from the robed creature after a time, contemplating for a few moments more what he was about to give up. He briefly wondered why he bothered hesitating when he knew he would agree. He wanted to curse his brother's love for him as much as he secretly cherished it.

"Sentiment," he whispered to himself, feeling the corners of his lips quirk up. He should've known it would be the end of him.

"How many years will I live if I give this up," he asked, searching the darkness under the cowl of the being's robe. Just because he knew he would agree didn't mean that this being had to know. Not before Loki knew what he could gain, at least.

But then again, wouldn't it know he would agree since he could see what was going to happen? If that were the case, Loki was only going through motions. 'Oh, well,' he concluded. 'The results in the end should be the same.'

"Approximately five-hundred years," the disembodied voice answered.

Loki nodded to himself. Not so bad. Certainly not as short as human life spans, but also nowhere near immortality.

"Am I correct in assuming nothing I do will extend my life," he asked, thinking about Idun's apples and ambrosia. He wasn't born mortal, after all. There was a possibility it would work.

"There are ways to extend your life for a decade or two, but near the end of your life-span you will age and nothing you do can stop your eventual death," the voice answered.

Loki felt himself smile, but it contained no humor or positive feeling to it at all. It was an outward sign of resignation.

"At least I'll still be relatively young until the very end," Loki mused aloud, seeing whatever good side there was to the situation. Even though the best part of the deal was a bit morbid. Who wanted to die young?

"Whether the changes you plan to make works or not is up to you, Asgardian," the voice spoke. "Your choices will either aid or hinder you on this journey. I wish you luck."

Loki's head whipped up, caught by the address. He knew this being would know he was a Frost Giant and not the biological son of Odin. To use such an identifier…But he was raised as an Asgardian, he supposed.

"Thanks for the goodwill," Loki said, choosing to ignore the name he was called. "You seem to know how this will end even though you can neither help directly nor change anything yourself."

"I see and know almost all within time."

"And it is not the same as interfering, I know," Loki finished. The keeper of Time was hard to locate and had cost him something else before he got to this very point. But that was neither here nor there. His goal remained the same.

"I thought they said you were generous," Loki let slip, bringing his hand to his mouth at the lapse in his usual self-control. He blamed his racked nerves. Thor and Asgard were dying as he spoke.

The being only chuckled, leaving Loki a little confused at the pulsation in the room from the creature's mirth.

"You will have your immortality when I send you back in time," it said, making Loki's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

It was a pleasant surprise.

Loki thought he would have had to have been extra careful when he went back to try to change what was happening. Mortals were known to be fragile creatures. But even as a mortal he would be stronger than an average human. He was still a Frost Giant and would have his magic as well.

"How do you know I won't just keep my immortality instead of giving it up," he asked slyly; he wasn't the god of mischief for nothing. If he could find a way out of the deal with a leg up, he would try his hardest to attain it.

"You have changed more than you know within a small amount of time," the being said. "What you wish to accomplish can only come about at the price of your immortality."

"I see," Loki responded. The time keeper was generous indeed. He had no fee due to the keeper. His price had to be paid if he wanted to be successful. "Ingenious."

"I suppose you cannot tell me how my brother and all of Asgard came about the dilemma of slowly dying," he wondered, pushing for all the answers he could get before he left. His brother and the rest of Asgard were withering away.

The gods and goddesses of the realm were getting older at an alarming pace. Where his brother's once indestructible body showed no signs of ill health not that long ago his head now contained only grey hair, and his body was losing muscle mass and shaking with brittle bones. The rest of Asgard's citizens fared about the same.

"Something in the water," Loki joked, knowing he did not find the least joy in seeing his brother waste away. He felt his weak attempt at a smile cast down as he recalled the look of pure felicity on his brother's face when Loki appeared at his bedside.

'Just because I called you 'brother,'' Loki thought.

Loki shook his head. His brother was like a Midgardian puppy. They always loved you no matter what you did. It was not the first time Loki knew he took Thor's love for granted.

His brutal and selfish actions towards Midgard and Thor himself alone made him beyond salvation. Not to mention his assistance of that Dark elf that took their mother's life. Piled on top of even that were the numerous deaths, destruction, and all the lies. The Stone had its influence, sure, but he could not excuse himself either.

'And all for my stupid quest for power,' he thought, 'and my ridiculous need for validation.'

"The water would be the place of origin, I suppose," the creature said.

Loki's eyes went wide.

"What," he sputtered, "What can I do to stop it? How can I save them? How can I save Thor? You know how this came about!"

Though Loki entertained revenge against Asgardians while fleeing, he didn't want it to happen like this. They were weak and held no challenge. Besides, he wasn't the one who did this to them in the first place. No satisfaction could be had by such a downfall.

His brother, too, needed to gain his former glory. If his dreams were anything to go by, he wouldn't be able to handle losing Thor.

"It came about," the creature said, "as a very intolerable abuse against myself and an even worse desecration towards Time itself."

The fabric of the room shook, making Loki wary and a bit nervous. This being was not one to cross.

"Though I see everything, there are choices that lead towards other paths which are open for a certain amount of time," the being explained. "I am but the keeper of time and cannot interfere with a corruption towards myself or time directly."

"How can I be of assistance," Loki asked, catching the wording of the being's sentence.

The being stretched out what appeared to be a hand, though Loki could only see black mass.

Loki stretched out his own hand under it. A small vial of liquid fell onto his palm. It contained what looked to be blood, red as if freshly spilt, mixed with a black substance Loki could only guess at, and grains of what looked to be sand.

"Though I see what was, is, and what will be," the being said, pulling back its hand, "I still have hope and faith. I believe choices can alter what has happened if one is worthy of the chance."

"I suppose time isn't as fixed as I believed it to be," Loki responded, truly wondering at the creature before him. It was unusual indeed for a creature of time, no less, to have faith and hope even when they knew exactly what was going to happen. Or, Loki corrected himself, almost exactly.

"Remember," the being said, raising its arms into the air, "your choices matter more than you think they do. Count around four months before the time reaches near the moment you fled from Asgard, if your choices carry you that far. You need to take the potion in the vial only then. Not before, even when you think you will perish from anguish. It is the only way that will help with saving Asgard. And yourself."

Loki felt complete dread at the ominous statement, but also knew their meeting was at and end. He didn't need to ask the creature what was in store for him. He would be in pain, and a great deal of it. 'What joy,' he thought dryly.

As the being drew out sand from the cave's interior, mixing it with dark matter Loki could only guess at, he could feel his blood pump at his rising anxiety. He truly hoped this would work.

He had no idea when the being would place him back in time. It could be when he was just a boy, or even just a few months ago before all chaos fell upon Asgard. Solely depending on the time he was going to be placed in, Loki would have to work fast, or perhaps even slow, to be successful. The damn creature didn't offer an answer or even a hint when Loki had asked when he would be put.

"Do not hesitate where you feel insecure," the creature said, raising its arms still higher. "You have a great deal of strength and love both towards and in you. Do not waste this chance."

If Loki were not so preoccupied with trying not to be overwhelmed with the very real happening of being sent back through time and space, he would have been slightly insulted at the insecurity comment. He knew it was true, but he didn't have to like it.

Before any more thoughts came to mind, Loki saw the creature's raised dark mass that he took for its arms swing down swiftly. Loki only saw a flash of blinding white light before he found himself staring at Thor's face. His youthful face. The cold registered next. They were in Jotunheim. Where everything had first started to go wrong.


	5. Hit the Ground Running

**A/N: Ok, we're at the movies now! The italics are the dialogue within the movies and they're not mine. I just write around them. The next chapter may take longer to post since I need to edit some stuff. I have a feeling I'm missing something with my approach to Loki. If anyone has any advice to give, please let me know! I'm here to improve my writing, and welcome critical reviews. Enjoy the chapter!**

 **Chapter Five: Hit the ground running**

" _Know your place, brother_ ," Thor said.

Loki stepped back. He was back in time! What had he said to Thor? Something about thinking and being outnumbered. He also felt a sharp stab of resentment towards his brother, which caught him off guard.

He really hadn't felt that much resentment towards Thor at all or for many months, really. Not since his nightmares, at least, and especially not while being occupied with trying to save him and the rest of Asgard.

His brow furrowed in confusion before he realized the feeling was from the past him. He had felt resentment towards Thor for being crowned King of Asgard over him. He didn't realize how strong that resentment used to be and could feel how much it had diminished over time.

It was the reason they were in Jotunheim, surrounded by Jotun's and addressing its king; Loki's biological father. He had manipulated the actions of his brother because he knew him so well. He knew, without much doubt, that Thor's own actions would jeopardize his position of becoming king in the end.

Loki didn't know he would have to deal with his past emotions as well as trying to change the past. He mentally geared himself towards the upcoming barrage of resentful feelings he had mostly gotten over already. He could overcome them now that he was, at least mentally, older.

But why did the Time keeper send him back so much? Surely only a few months would have been enough time to stop Thor's and Asgard's bizarre illness from happening.

Maybe the being had his own agenda. He quickly realized that was an understatement. Of course the being had its own plans and goals. Loki did agree, in a way, to help the creature before being sent back. But Loki didn't know specifics and did not have the time to dwell on the matter.

" _You know not what your actions will unleash_ ," Laufey said, pulling Loki back to the present.

Loki could not agree more.

" _I do_ ," Laufey went on, a haunted look in his eyes. Loki briefly wondered what his biological father was seeing. Something during the past war, no doubt.

" _Go now_ ," Laufey continued, " _while I still allow it_."

Loki decided to go along with answering for his brother as he had before. He knew this would not end well, but he had to at least try. This time he sincerely meant what he said.

" _We will accept_ ," Loki said, keeping close to his brother, " _your most gracious offer_."

Out of the corner of his eye, Loki saw Thor look at him, then back at Laufey.

" _Come on, brother,_ " Loki said, very low, as he turned to walk away.

Though he knew what the king would say later to anger Thor, Loki was glad when Thor complied and they headed back towards the way they came.

The fighting that ensued went the same way it did the first time. Though Loki knew his reflexes were better than what they currently were, he still felt mildly frustrated that they were the same as his past body would allow. He would have to practice a little to get them to move a bit faster.

" _Don't let them touch you_ ," came the warning through the cold wind that Loki heard this time around.

As he attacked the Frost Giant in front of him, it grabbed him roughly by the forearm and crumbled the metal and fabric until skin was touched. Loki knew his arm and hand would turn blue, and did not hesitate to take down his opponent.

A wave of dismay, confusion, and disorientation hit him. His past self's feelings on discovering he was not of Asgard.

Loki briefly closed his eyes, trying his hardest to will it away. Upon the cry of one of Thor's friends as he was cut through the shoulder with ice, he swiftly took care of the oncoming giants that headed towards the warrior.

While fighting, Loki became aware that he was holding back. And out of habit.

" _We must go_!" he shouted at Thor, putting the thought towards the back of his mind as the situation became dourer. He knew what would happened in the end of their journey to Jotunheim, but he didn't want to realize just how much his own insecurities had been holding him back while in the middle of battle.

In all honesty, despite not being as quick in his reflexes as his future body was, he was actually as strong as Thor. Not as strong as Thor with Mjolnir, but he could definitely hold his own against his brother without the hammer.

" _Then go_!" Thor yelled back, slamming his hammer into the near Frost Giant. It was clear he was not ready to leave anytime soon.

Loki sighed in frustration. He sort of wished his brother had already been to Midgard for his change of heart regarding fighting. Thor was thinking like a warrior only, just as Odin had said.

'What an annoying prat,' Loki thought, running with the warriors three and Sif towards where the Bifrost let them down earlier.

It wasn't long before Odin came and took them back to Asgard by the Bifrost. Not too soon either, with how they were surrounded by Frost Giants that were about to rip them apart.

* * *

" _There won't be a kingdom to protect if you're afraid to act,_ " Thor responded to Odin's questioning of his actions once they had returned.

Loki, though he knew he could have gone with the others, chose to stay once more. Thor was about to be banished.

" _The Jotun's must learn to fear me, just as they once feared you_ ," Thor continued.

Loki shifted uncomfortably where he stood. He had almost the same position as Thor did towards the Midgardians. He had wanted them to kneel, to fear him as a god. Had he really been that blind? And the Infinity Stone could only be blamed so much.

" _That's pride and vanity talking, not leadership_ ," Odin said.

Loki almost glared up at the Allfather, grudgingly agreeing with him. His future self may not love Odin anymore, but a part of himself did respect the wisdom the god had received from his journey long ago to the roots of Yggdrasil.

" _You have forgotten everything I've taught you about a warrior's patience_ ," Odin said.

" _While you wait and be patient_ ," Thor went on arrogantly, " _the Nine Realms laugh at us. The old ways are done. You'd stand giving speeches while Asgard falls_."

Loki didn't know what to make of his brother's view. He didn't think the other realms knew a great deal about the small attack that the Frost Giants made on Asgard. He could be wrong, though, since they did leave to go to Jotunheim and didn't know the gossip going around. Still, his brother wouldn't have heard about it since they were both gone at the same time.

Loki concluded it was an imagined slight that Thor actually believed. Asgard was a great realm, surely, but to think that the other realms knew every detail about its affairs was bordering on ludicrous.

To Loki's private dismay, he knew how Thor felt. His slights from other Asgardians towards him, though minor, did cut at him. Well, _had_ cut at him before they were kneeling at his feet when he was disguised as Odin.

Even though the satisfaction felt nice for a time it wasn't all that great when he reflected on it in his spare moments of ruling disguised as Odin.

Petty slights were what they really were, he had realized, and weren't dignified enough to have a response. In all actuality, it would be _him_ stooping to their level by being bothered by it.

'I have changed,' he thought, remembering what the keeper of time had said to him in the cave.

" _You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy_ ," Odin berated, cutting off Loki's inner thoughts.

Odin was right again, Loki knew. Thor had not changed yet. He had yet to learn how to rule Asgard.

" _And you are an old man, and a fool_ ," Thor snarled back, clearly offended, and full of righteous rage.

There was no way Loki did not know he had to let Thor go back to Earth and to remain there until he changed. It was necessary for the future of Asgard. 'Not that I can very well stop Odin from banishing him, anyways,' he thought.

" _Yes_ ," Odin said, his face cast down. " _I was a fool to think you were ready_."

Loki didn't know why he did it, but he felt his body moving before he could stop himself. He stepped towards Odin.

" _Father-_

But before he could speak more, Odin practically snarled at him, clearly saying that Loki was not part of the conversation.

'Of course,' he thought, 'this is a conversation between a father and his real son.'

Apart from the near disgust at calling Odin 'Father,' Loki wondered why he was stung, before he remembered that the past him still felt some love towards Odin. It was currently at war with his future's-self feelings towards the Allfather, but he knew his love would soon be gone. There was no room in his heart for the old ruler.

" _Thor Odinson,_ " Odin continued, speaking to Thor, " _you have betrayed the express command of your king. Through you arrogance and stupidity, you've opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horror and desolation of war!_ "

Loki thought about his own actions towards Earth. His decision to go against Midgard for spite and domination really weren't that different from Thor's actions against Jotunheim.

They were both very arrogant and stupid to try and rule other beings by force. And he had brought so much horror and desolation to humans by bringing war to them.

Did he not cause the same pain and suffering to the Midgardians that he had witnessed when he had checked on Thor after his terrible dreams? Was he not the very source for many of those in mourning for their deceased loved ones?

He felt sick. How could he not have realized he was no better, and even worse, than Thor currently was? He did feel like a monster in this moment.

Not a Frost Giant monster; that was absurd. It took him a long while to admit being a Frost Giant did not equal being a brute. If that were true, he would have been killing and spreading mayhem long before he found out about his true heritage.

Still though, a part of him recoiled at the thought of being a Frost Giant. The old part, especially, if not his current self as well, if he were being truly honest. But such thoughts were for later.

No Jotun monster was the pure cause of this. Simply a monster for being a coward under Thanos' thumb instead of denying allying with him. What had he been thinking? The Infinity Stone had clouded his judgement, but didn't make up his mind for him.

But then, there was the torture he had gone through. The starvation, the cruel slicing, cutting, beating, and countless other actions that he had to endure before he was even taken before Thanos. There his will began to bend under that madman's power and what he had endured before felt like a regular day in body combat by comparison. A fight of the mind was much harder than a fight with the body.

He brought his thoughts back to the present. He didn't want to think about those long weeks at the moment. Plus, he was here for Thor. A Thor who did not look upon others as equals if they did not think like he did. A Thor who did not see humans as worth much. Just as he used to.

But now Loki did not believe that humans were that much lesser than he was. Well, lesser in the way a cat can be compared to a lion, perhaps. But both creatures were living beings. He did not believe that they needed to die. Not needlessly, at least.

'And I had the audacity to think you the fool,' Loki thought as he watched his brother be dishonored before him.

He tried to harden his heart against the distraught look on Thor's face at his disgracing by Odin. It was difficult to watch.

'Thor has to go to Midgard,' Loki told himself. 'He needs to learn to be a proper ruler for the realm. For himself.'

" _You are unworthy!_ " Odin was saying, almost done with stripping Thor of his armor. " _Of the loved ones you have betrayed_."

Loki looked between Thor and Odin, feeling resentful once again, but quickly squashing the feeling. He already knew Odin loved Thor enough to display such outrage. This was nothing new to his knowledge.

What bothered him was the sentence.

'Unworthy of loved ones betrayed,' he thought. To have betrayal you needed trust. Odin had his trust once, but never again. But had Loki betrayed Thor?

'Yes,' Loki concluded immediately, unable to justify himself. 'Thor trusted me to love him and respect him. To bring no harm to the realm he was to protect. I betrayed his trust. And all because I was hurt, jealous, and resentful. So eager to prove myself a great entity.'

Loki tried to steel himself from seeing, once again, his brother cast out. He didn't think he succeeded when Thor was thrust away through the Bifrost.

As he watched Mjolnir thrown after, evidence that Odin believed his son to find worthiness, Loki felt both hope and his old anger once again.

'Of course,' he thought snidely, 'Thor would have the opportunity to get Mjolnir back.'

'An opportunity,' he went on, squashing the bitterness, 'that I will help him with.'

He would help Thor get Mjolnir back. And he wouldn't let his jealousy of Thor and Odin's relationship get in his way. It was going to be hard, he knew, but he had to save Thor and Asgard. It's what he went back in time for, after all.

'My work is cut out for me.'


	6. Family Matters

**A/N: Another chapter! I wanted it to be a little longer, but I feel I stopped at the right point. I also think I did a little bit better with Loki this time around. I just need to delve into his inner turmoil a little more. I sound sadistic, haha. Anyways, Italics are from the movie like in the last chapter. Let me know what y'all think! Oops, I think I just gave away that I'm from Texas. Howdy? Don't be a stranger!**

 **Chapter Six: Family Matters**

" _We should never have let him go_ ," Volgstaff said, sitting on a couch as the other warriors talked about Thor's banishment. They had found Loki in the room when they had reached their usual spot for conversation.

Loki stood near the opening of the room that held a wide view of the kingdom. Here he could look out at the vast stars and think about what was to be done.

He was sent back far enough to prevent crossing Thor and bringing devastation to Midgard. He could hardly believe he had the chance to change history in such a way. But first, Thor's problem needed to be solved. Could his brother get Mjolnir on his own? What would he have to do to make sure Thor proved himself worthy?

'Thor will have to die again,' he thought as the others talked amongst themselves.

He felt nauseous at the thought. Swallowing away a closing throat, Loki firmly set his mind to work.

Could he even begin to plan an attempt at Thor's life like he once had? It would be like stabbing himself in the heart with a dull knife. Lots of pain and forcibly done.

'I already have a plan,' he realized, but not liking the realization at all.

" _There was no stopping him_." Lady Sif declared, knowing there was no way Thor wouldn't have gone once he had made up his mind.

" _Well, at least he's only banished, not dead_ ," Fandrall reasoned. " _Which is what we'd all be if that guard hadn't told Odin where we'd gone_."

Loki briefly looked down at the hand that had changed blue, knowing that a part of himself was a little troubled by it. Oh, who was he kidding? The past him was mortified. He knew he was not an absolute vile being the rest of Asgard considered Frost Giants to be, but his past self still felt distraught. It was hard fighting against the emotions. They were so anguished.

His body was not his own. He felt like he was forced out of the skin he thought was Aesir and fitted into a cold blue one with blood red eyes. A bit of outrage and pain started to swell up within him.

" _How did the guard even know?_ " Volstagg questioned.

" _I told him_ ," Loki blurted out before he could stop himself. 'Drat!' he thought.

" _What?_ " Fandral said.

" _I told him to go to Odin after we'd left_ ," Loki responded, deciding he may as well come clean. He felt his old self craving to tell them it was him that had saved them all. He wanted them all to know that it was his actions, and his alone, that had saved every single one of them. A Frost Giant wouldn't do that, because he was raised Asgardian. His actions proved himself worthy of being prince.

Loki bit the inside of his mouth until it bled. The thoughts that had invaded his head belonged in the past. Putting a stopper on them was very difficult; the proof being the blood on his tongue. He had to gain control of himself, though, if he was going to succeed and do right this time around.

'Petty of me!' he berated the thoughts his past self had been spouting. 'It was my fault in the first place why Thor even went. Prove myself worthy of what? Deceit?'

" _You told the guard?_ " Volstagg asked as if for clarity.

Loki tried not to sneer.

"Would you rather be dead?" he asked with contempt.

He didn't need approval from the Warriors Three or Lady Sif. What was he thinking the first time they had had this conversation? He was glad he had refrained from listing out Thor's flaws.

Had he actually thought pointing out Thor's less admirable traits of being reckless and arrogant were going to make them see the person they looked up to any differently? It was laughable that he had thought such a plan would work.

Almost the entire state they were currently in was a bit humiliating for him. But he didn't have time to deal with that now.

All he wanted to do at the moment was to find a way to help Thor get Mjolnir back without killing him.

'Thor's going to have to basically die again in order to get Mjolnir back,' he knew. Mjolnir would not accept anything less than his mortal sacrifice. Why did he have to be tortured so?

It was when he died that Thor had finally got possession of his hammer in the past. Well, soon to be future now.

Loki worried again if he could go through with it. His nightmares of Thor dying had been agonizing, but he was now going to have to kill Thor in order to help him.

'Kill him again, admittedly,' he thought guiltily, 'but I know for a fact that he will not be dead for very long. His godly powers will come back once his mortal life is gone.'

" _Loki,_ " Lady Sif said, standing and going over to him. " _You must go to the Allfather and convince him to change his mind._ "

Loki was a little surprised that she would ask the exact thing as she did in his past, but it didn't last long. He should have known she would ask the same; that they all would. They were Thor's best friends. They loved him almost as much as he did.

"When you lose something you love entirely," Loki said to Lady Sif and the three warriors, reflecting on witnessing the grief all mortals experienced when death came to visit, "like the way Thor loves Mjonir, you find out its true value."

The warriors and Sif looked at him in confusion. This didn't sound like Loki at all. And what did he, the silver tongue, know about losing anything?

"Thor has not lost much in his life," Loki went on, pulling himself out of his reverie of the mother and her dead child. " _I love Thor more dearly than any of you._ He needs to stay on Midgard for the good of Asgard."

"Thor is entirely powerless without his hammer," Lady Sif said, as if Loki's argument was not worth listening to. "You speak against Thor while he's suffering a derogatory existence among mortals."

Loki looked at Sif and the warriors as if seeing them clearly for the first time. Thor was a lot stronger than any one of them realized or gave him credit for. They saw the brute strength of Thor and the weapon he carried, but did not see what was in his heart. How were they his closest friends when they did not know such simple truths about his brother?

"I'm pleased with the radiant faith you place in my brother," he said derisively.

The look of shock on their faces pleased him, but not for long. He could not bring himself to speak any more than that to the four after witnessing the dishonor they displayed in their view of Thor.

He shook his head and walked out of the room.

* * *

Loki found himself before the Casket of Ancient Winters just as he had in the past. The pull of his old self towards the object was too strong to resist. But this time he was more prepared. Both for seeing his hands turn blue and of Odin's appearance.

" _Stop!_ " came Odin's shout.

Loki placed the casket down, wondering if Odin thought he intended to take it and use it as a weapon against Asgard.

"I am a Frost Giant," Loki said, reeling in the inner turmoil he felt raging inside him. His old self's trust decaying, heart breaking, rage swelling. Was there even a bit of disgust and hatred towards himself for being a Frost Giant somewhere in there? And the worst of all: shame.

Loki felt himself quivering with the bombardment of emotions. He had great difficulty taming them, but his future-self had a firm grip on the rising emotions. He did not speak until they leveled out a bit.

He wouldn't give Odin the satisfaction of watching him lose control. Not if he could help it, at least.

He turned to face the Allfather, knowing his blue skin and red eyes still hadn't faded away.

"Yes," was all the old man said.

" _In the aftermath of the battle,_ " he explained, " _I went to the temple and I found a baby. Small for a Giant's offspring. Abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son._ "

" _Laufey's son,_ " Loki repeated.

" _Yes,_ " Odin affirmed.

Loki knew where this conversation went, and did not wish to repeat it. But the past him was suffering, and some of the distress and anger leaked through.

" _So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me,_ " Loki accused, wishing his heart didn't hurt as much as it did. It had already broken long ago. And now breaking once more.

" _You are my son,_ " Odin responded, " _I only wanted to protect you-_

"Wanting to protect me," Loki sneered, remembering the excuse Odin told him when he had asked why he wasn't told of his heritage, " _because I'm the monster parents tell their children about at night?_ Is that what you want to tell me- why you lied to me all these years?"

" _Why do you twist my words,_ " Odin asked, visibly deflating as the Odinsleep came upon him.

"The pure truth cannot be twisted," Loki hissed, " _You could have told me what I was from the beginning,_ Allfather. _No matter how much you claim to love me_ , by calling me your son, _you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard._ "

Loki was proud that his voice didn't hold the desperate tone it had when he first had the confrontation with Odin. It had remained relatively calm except for the few tremors that had leaked in from emotions too strong to hold back. He breathed heavily as he looked down at Odin's sleeping form, both distressed and calm at once.

But then he cracked.

"Aaauuuuhhh!" Loki barely recognized the cry as his own and didn't realize the hot tears that streaked down his face.

Fiery anger coursed through his veins, a terrible hurt stabbed his heart, and an unrelenting shame colored his face and gnawed at his stomach. Logically he knew being ashamed of something he couldn't change was pointless. Illogical. But it was still there nonetheless.

"Damn you!" he cried down to Odin's motionless body.

By the time Loki had calmed down, blood covered his clenched hands where his nails had bitten into his palms. He half expected the color to have been a revolting blue.

'Wonderful,' Loki thought through a tired haze, 'it seems my old self is set on believing we're a monster.' He looked sadly down at his hands. He remembered what they looked like in his true form.

'Why bring a Jotun to Asgard at all when there was so much prejudice here?' he thought. Did Odin truly believe he wouldn't hate himself when he finally found out that he was one of the very beings that Asgardians abhorred?

It was easy to believe the Allfather did it for his own amusement if nothing else. But Loki didn't go down that path. It was too much like self-pity and would not help in the least. But he did have to wonder about the whole thing.

What were the reasons Odin gave for taking him? Forming an alliance with Jotunheim? What a stupid plan. How would such a plan have worked when all of Asgard saw Frost Giants as terrible monsters and inferior beings? Did he not despise what he was; what he was born as?

No respect could be developed within a days, weeks, or most likely even years for the majority of Asgardian citizens when it came to Jotuns.

Time passed slowly on Asgard and generations did not replace the ones before it in as quickly as Midgardian ones did.

'How I envy them that,' Loki thought.

As it was, Loki was hardly liked here to begin with. For someone who was supposed to be so wise, Odin did not look to the practical application of his plan. Odin's " _protect[ion]_ " was an insult in and of itself. Loki was a Frost Giant. You don't 'protect' people from what they are born being.

He looked as coldly as he could at Odin's un-moving form, took a few second to regain his composure, and calmly called for the guards.

* * *

"Mother!" Loki exclaimed, his emotions bubbling over the tight rim he had locked them in since his encounter with Odin.

Frigga wrapped her arms around him, evidently taking his distress as a response to Odin's condition instead of his grief of living so long without her alive.

He hugged her tight, not willing to let go in the time one usually did when giving and receiving affection.

"It's alright, dear," she said, thinking he must really be distraught at Odin's sleep. "Your father is going to be just fine."

Loki shook his head, not agreeing with her about his concern.

"I've missed you so much, mother," he responded, feeling tears sting his eyes and grief coloring his voice.

Frigga let out a small laugh. "I haven't gone anywhere, Loki. You've seen me not too long ago."

"It seems much longer to me," he said, pulling back to look at her.

Frigga put a comforting hand on his cheek, wondering about his statement.

"Come," she said, walking them to Odin's bed where he slept, "let's keep your father company."

"I don't want to sleep tonight," Loki said, refusing to sit across from his mother on the other side where Odin would separate them. "Can we not sit here and talk?"

Frigga was truly perplexed now more than before. She was certainly close to Loki, having taught him everything about magic, but he hadn't wanted to speak or stay up all through the night since when he was a boy and had just mastered a very advanced spell.

She figured he was more upset about Odin's sleep than he let on.

"If it will help, of course," she smiled.

Loki only nodded gratefully.

" _I asked him to be honest with you from the beginning,_ " Frigga told him when he finally told her what he and Odin had been talking about before he went into Odinsleep. " _There should be no secrets in family._ "

Loki forced himself to retain eye contact. If anyone could tell he was keeping a secret, particularly one that deeply affected him, it would be his mother.

He would never tell her he was from the future. Never speak of her death or how much he grieved at her loss. How it nearly destroyed him.

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. He had her here, alive, and wouldn't put her life at risk again. He had told that Dark elf where to go, hadn't he? He may as well have her blood on his hands.

The resentfulness and revenge the old part of himself still held against Thor and Odin were his biggest enemies at the moment. But as he spent more time in the presence of his mother, seeing that she was truly alive and well, he knew he could overcome his past emotions.

'What good are they anyway when I will be mortal eventually? Nothing but unnecessary burdens,' he thought. If he could save his mother, Thor, and even Asgard, too, since it was their home, giving up his immortality seemed like a good trade to him.

" _So why did he lie?_ " Loki asked, just to hear her speak.

" _He kept the truth from you so you would never feel different,_ " she answered.

'That's a nice illusion,' Loki thought.

" _You are our son, Loki,_ " she continued, making Loki's eyes blink a few times to stop the emotion from flowing from his eyes. His mother did see him as her true son, which he always knew. " _And we your family. You must know that._ "

Loki looked down, truly appreciating her words more this time than before. Yes, she was his mother, and Thor his brother, but Odin was nothing to him.

" _You can speak to him,_ " she said, " _He can see and hear us even now._ "

'I have nothing to say to him,' Loki thought.

" _How long will it last,_ " he asked instead, avoiding her indication to talk to Odin.

" _I don't know,_ " she answered, " _This time it's different. We were unprepared._ "

" _I don't think I'm used to seeing him like this,_ " Loki lied. He was more than used to seeing the Allfather in such a weakened state while he was impersonating him. " _The most powerful being in the Nine Realms, lying helpless. Till his body is restored._ "

" _He's put it off for so long now that I fear. You're a good son,_ " she continued, making him look over at her again.

'No, I'm not,' he thought, 'not to you.'

" _We mustn't lose hope that your father will return to us,_ " she said, " _And your brother._ "

" _What hope is there for Thor?_ " he asked with a different tone than the first time he had voiced the question. He hadn't wanted his brother's return the first time.

" _There's always a purpose for everything your father does,_ " she said as though it were the truest thing in all of Asgard.

Loki knew why he had looked up to Odin even as he always felt the distance between himself and the man. Frigga spoke about him with deep admiration and trust. There wasn't much wonder as to why he had try so hard to get Odin's approval when the person he loved as much as Thor would venerate him to such a degree.

" _Thor may yet find a way home,_ " she finished.

'He will if I can help it,' Loki thought.

Loki got up and moved a little ways about the room.

His head snapped up in surprise when the doors creaked open to reveal a line of soldiers out in the hall. He nearly forgot about this in the past!

The guards saluted and then kneeled. A high councilman walked in bearing Gungnir. Kneeling before Loki when he reached him.

He still felt his past self be a bit confused, but knew he was the king of Asgard now that he was the only prince able to take over for Odin. No one knew he was a Frost Giant. If they did, there was no way they would be presenting him with Odin's staff. Hell, they probably were reluctant to give it to him now. He was no great warrior like Thor, even though he could hold his own in a match even without magic.

He reached out and took Gungnir while his mother spoke from where she sat, catching his brief hesitation before he had picked up the staff.

" _Thor is banished,_ " she said in a strong voice, " _The line of succession falls to you. Until Odin awakens, Asgard is yours._ "

Loki held the staff firmly. He could do this again, and he had experience. Maybe even addressing the homeless issues and those in poverty would help before they became bigger problems down the road. He may as well, seeing as he had the power to make a difference.

He didn't like the majority of Asgardians, but it was still Thor's home, and his mother's. He could at least make some positive changes that wouldn't be too time consuming.

" _Make your father proud,_ " Frigga said, making Loki suppress a look of distaste. He wanted to do nothing of the sort for such a man. But he would rule Asgard well for his mother.

" _My king,_ " Frigga gave a slight nod. It was good to know she always considered him worthy of the throne.

'Even when I wasn't,' he thought a little sadly.


End file.
